music and writing

The past couple of days I have been in weird place. I have tried to start plays and they kind of just fall off into nothing. I don’t understand. I mean I go back to them and pick them up for a few lines and then just stare at the page thinking, what the fuck do these people do now? I wish I knew. I really did.

I feel like writing is a gift. I still feel this way. I think that I have some sort of gift to tell stories. I have a lot to learn and I should really go back to past things and rewrite them. I want to send things out to contests and get another production in the works because in one week my play will be over. My actors will forget about me, until the next play and I know in my soul that is not true. They are my friends of course they won’t forget me but it is just a weird feeling people can have I guess. I just want people to love me, and talk to me because of who I am, not because of what I do.

I think that me listening to new music lately has been helping me open up my mind to explore the worlds I have up there. Because I have a lot going on. I want to write about what I know and I know a lot of wonderful things. Love, family relationships, friends but then you always need conflict and that is where I feel most safe in my writing. I always want to keep an audience entertained and sometimes that impacts my writing. I’ll be honest it does. It really does and you are suppose to write from your soul and write what you need to write not what is popular. I have trouble sometimes in that area. I want my characters to come alive on stage and it is my job to provide the actor with all they need to make the character become alive.

I guess it just feels that I won’t be successful. The whole what happens next? I have no idea what is next. I really don’t I need to break out from my comfort area. I just want to change the world and feel like I have people backing me up doing that. I don’t really feel that way right now which is frustrating and upsetting I guess, and I don’t know if people even read these, it’s more for my own soul but I just want to give people some insight on who I am and what I do.